Maci Bookoutis opening up about her personal struggles onTeen Mom: Family Reunion.
In PEOPLE’s exclusive look at Tuesday’s episode, Maci, 30, and her castmates participate in a scream therapy session, during which each woman is asked to scream “something that represents what we have been harvesting and we’ve been holding in within ourselves.”
Kicking things off,Leah Messersteps forward and loudly screams: “Trust.”
Explaining her choice of the word “trust,” Leah, 29, admits she is “100 percent guarded” and doesn’t “let anyone in.” She then says that her trust issues stem from people “giving up” on her in the past, but she wants to get better at trusting others again.
Amber Portwoodthen screams “f— men,” adding that “toxic” men in her life have routinely used her for her money. Addressing how she’s dishonored herself in the process, Amber, 31, says she was “trying to fill a void of love through men.”
As Maci is asked to come forward, the mother of three admits she’s nervous to partake in the activity. “I’m not sure I’m ready. I can’t!” she says.
Maci then steps forward and screams: “I am not enough.”
John Phillips/Getty
Maci starts to cry upon revealing her truth. From there, she admits that she’s not sure what being “enough” means to her.
“I don’t know,” says Maci as tears stream down her face. “I’ve been chasing it my whole life — acceptance.”
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
Asked when she first began feeling she wasn’t enough, Maci says: “When I realized that I found confidence in taking care of everyone else.”
“[I] make sure everyone else is okay and when you’re s— gets real, go away,” she continues. “Run.”
Going forward, Maci says she will start giving herself a chance to be enough “right now.”
source: people.com
