TheSister Wivesstar, 54, exclusively tells PEOPLE that the couple is “still in a deep state of mourning” due to the plural marriage breaking apart.
“We arenot recovering from this,” he says. “I mean, it’s not clinical depression, but we’ve been a bit depressed about what the experience did. That’s an understatement. But we’ve been through a very hard experience and our reaction to it has changed us. We are not the same.”
He continues, “Moving forward is still one of those things where you go through a divorce, you almost feel like God doesn’t exist, and you’re so angry, so bitter, and you’ve just got to let … You need to let some sunshine back in. That’s the thing.”
Ethan Miller/Getty
Kody says he has now reached “a transitionary point” where he’s “letting sunshine back in” and he hopes all of his former wives can find their own happiness.
“If we are breaking up and we don’t continue seeking happiness and go out and find that happiness, then the breakup was never a benefit,” he explains. “Then you’re living with regret.”
“But when you first break up, there’s a lot of doubt, especially if you are not the instigator,” he adds. “If you haven’t thought it out enough. If you haven’t been in awareness. I just thought we had killed some trust, and I thought we just needed to build the trust back.”
Despite his holding out hope that his relationship with Christine could be repaired, Kody says his ex “thought it would just be better to be gone.”
Kody and Christineannounced their splitin November 2021. She was the first of Kody’s four wives to leave their polygamous arrangement. A year after her departure, Kody’s breakups with first wifeMeri Brownand second wifeJanelle Brownwere confirmed.
Kody Brown and Christine Brown.TLC
“As time progresses and I move out of the anger phase of that experience, I find myself going, ‘Yes, you need your happiness and you weren’t happy,’” he says. “It was making me unhappy. We go through this terribly unhappy part, and then we move to happiness. If she’s happy, then I’ll be happy. That’s just it.”
Kody also reflects on the “painful experience” of divorce andadjusting to a new family dynamic, adding, “It’s challenged my purpose. For three years here, I had an idea during this time about what my purpose moves on to, but I’m still stuck in this place of sadness and regret.”
“As I springboard up, it’s like love and forgiveness and moving forward. We’ll see what happens though. It’s every day,” he explains. “It’s like divorce changes you. It just changes you. I guess, everything changes you. Marriage changes you. Divorce changes you. Having children changes you. But I don’t feel the same.”
He continues, “I want to find my happy place again because I think everybody in this family is searching for that.”
Kody Brown.TLC
TLC
“It would absolutely devastate me if he tried to leave me,” she continued. “I mean, I know he has these thoughts. I mean, you can’t make anybody stick around or stay.”
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
Sister Wivesairs Sundays at 10 p.m. ET on TLC.
source: people.com
