OK , I ’m being a bit spit - in - cheek here . The Black Death was horrible . But can you guess a plague of pain in the neck and hurt , of embarrassment , of seemingly impossible medical origin ? Yes , friends , we ’re sing about a pestilence of … piles .
Anyone who has watchedIndiana Jonesknows that the outcome of disrespecting the Ark of the Covenant are great - clearly , it ’s very possible that insulting it or open up it with the awry intentions will make your brass melt right on off your skull . But plainly , God had different intention in psyche : he apply the Philistines who affront the Ark a character of mass hemorrhoids . You ’re thinking , " An anal retentive plague ? That does n’t seem very probable … " and you would be right . It ’s the only display case of mass hemorrhoid fire in account ( read , anyway ) and there is no transmissible virus or bacterium that unfold hemorrhoids . But there ’s no misunderstanding that hemorrhoids was the plague that was ship . The Bible specifically says , " He smite the work force of the metropolis , both small and great , and they had emerods in their secret parts . "
These were some badass ' rhoids - some men actually died from them . After seven months , the Philistines confer priest to cipher out what they could do to repent for their sins and make the pestilence go forth . The priests said that they should return the Ark to Israel , along with an offering of five golden mice ( another plague the Philistines were suffering from ) and five gilded hemorrhoids .
So , uh , they did . But it did n’t work - patently the Judaic farmers that spotted the unmanned oxen carry the Ark and the oblation into Israel cooked the oxen for lunch and used the cart as firewood . And they give the Ark … so God wipe out the whole town . Yikes .
