With all the buzz body scanners and rubdowns are getting this holiday season , I want to give some attention to the TSA ’s more peculiar security measures insurance . Here are 11 strange measures that they have in place , courtesy oftheir site .
1. Helper monkey diaper inspections
The TSA has a lengthy section on helper monkey policieshere , highlighted by this crucial degree …
“ The inspection cognitive operation may require that the handler to take off the rapscallion ’s diaper as part of the ocular inspection . ”
Everything I ’ve ever learned about the world suggests to me that nothing good can come from giving a monkey unobstructed access to feces . Not even a monkey Samuel Butler ( quite possibly the one who trains other imp Butler ) would desire to make clean up the TSA viewing area after that .
2. Everclear, Bacardi 151 and Grandpa’s XXX moonshine
From the plane section on alcohol …
Please notice , you ca n’t take alcohol-dependent drink with more than 70 % alcoholic drink content ( 140 trial impression ) , including 95 % grain alcohol and 150 proof rum , in your mark luggage .
In other words : If you ’re going to visit the Everclear distillery ( motto : See an explosion or your money back ! ) do n’t expect to take flight home with a travelling bag stuffed full of high - proof alcohol at tramp - friendly terms .
3 . Nunchakus
The TSA bans the literary genre of “ warlike artistic production weapons ” but specifically calls out nunchakus . Ya know , between the forbidding on those and the ban on the most stiff alcohol , they ’re really making it hard for Michelangelo to be a party beau on a plane .
4. Carry-on urns
Flying home with an urn full of ash is always go to be dicey . ( Especially if you ’re on an Oceanic or Ajira escape . ‘ Cause those ash are comin ’ to life , son . ) So how shall the TSA approach it ?
Passengers are allow to carry a crematorium container as part of their carry - on luggage , but the container must pass through the cristal - re motorcar . If the container is made of a material that return an opaque persona and prevent the Transportation Security Officer from clearly being capable to see what is inside , then the container can not be set aside through the security checkpoint .
The swelled trouble with this insurance policy : If his urn turns out to be unintelligible when they screen it , The Undertaker will be altogether powerless on all flight , leaving himself wide open to attacks by Papa Shango .
5. Half an unwrapped apple
I thought you could n’t bring solid food anymore , thanks to a funny backroom conspiracy between the TSA and the eminent - ups at Cinnabon . But that ’s not true …
solid food must be enclose or in a container . Unpeeled natural foods like fruit are hunky-dory , but half - eaten fruits must be envelop .
What ’s with the half - eaten fruit bias ? Would n’t an evildoer be more potential to hide something in an un - bitten fruit ? Is this a condom guard or a sanitation issue ?
6 . moderate your tuba , carry your harp
Pack brass instrument in your check baggage . Bring your stringed instruments , within carrier sizing limitations , as carry - on item .
Yet another extraneous organisation essay to stir the passel in the never - cease struggle of establishment versus drawing string . How many more surpassing musical prognostication postulate to die from a viola train around the cervix or a flugelhorn to the sternum before we take this thing to Camp David ?
7. They’re cool with it if you’re REALLY expecting the worst
You may bring skydiving outfit with and without Automatic Activation Devices ( AAD ) as carry - on or checked baggage .
That ’s correct : Flying commercial message is a Bring Your Own Parachute post . But if you do chance to bring one — and you hold up well-nigh incalculable betting odds of just - so - happening to bring a parachute on a carpenter’s plane that fit down — you better jump ( not jerk off ) quickly . Because you ’re going to have a LOT of mass try out to hang onto you for a drive to the ground .
8. Cricket bats
9. Snow globes
snowfall globes and like decorations regardless of size or amount of liquid inside , even with support [ are not leave in carry - ons ] .
This must be annihilating for the Charles Percy Snow globe industry . If you ca n’t carry a snow globe as a carry - on and have to wad it , no matter HOW well you wrap it up , it ’s getting give way . Your dress will be covered in a stale - smell liquid and covered in specks of scintillation and miniature replicas of the St. Louis archway or the Golden Gate Bridge . Or — SPOILER ALERT — a sled .
10. Ink
This is a new one .
[ Other detail ostracize include ] toner and ink cartridges over 16 ounces .
Last calendar month , terrorists were grab putting volatile - filled ink cartridges on a UPS plane headed from Yemen to Chicago … so now ink cartridges are cast out . I can go in two directions here : ( 1 ) talk of the town about how reactionary security measures ( like this one , the liquid one , the shoes one , etc . ) are ineffective and play the lead role in Security Theater , doing nothing to prevent next attempts or ( 2 ) Make a dumb jocularity . Let ’s go with option 2 .
If you ’ve got a 16 - ounce printer ink magazine , you wo n’t be go through drome security — if you may give that much printer ink then you ’re clear a multimillionaire who can fly in your own private jet plane .
Meh . perchance should ’ve gone with the rant .
11. Gel shoe inserts
Gel skid inserts are not permitted , but horseshoe constructed with gel heels are allow and must be take away and riddle .
So if you ’re gellin ’ like Magellan , do n’t expect to get to retroflex his impressive travel route .
11 Pointsis consist entirely of 11 - item lists cover a giant swath of topics – because top 10 lists are for cowards . It ’s pen entirely by Sam Greenspan , who go for that this clause does n’t make it unsufferable for him to return from Cleveland to Los Angeles after Thanksgiving .
airport securitySecurityTravel
Daily Newsletter
Get the in effect tech , science , and culture news in your inbox daily .
News from the futurity , delivered to your present tense .
You May Also Like
