Sometimes your unfriendly neighborhood jejune delinquents will apply your petunias as a mosh pit and your birdbath as a commode . Should this be the case , it may be wise to invest in these fiery lawn ornaments .
1 . ) make a flamethrower carving powered by heavy metal
Torches and moat of fire are a wise investment , but you do n’t require those goddamn kids to mistake your house for a monastery or the Gates to Hell . This will only further break - ins , as they ’ll purge your premises for trappist ales and the ghost of their remiss parent . No , to truly make a assertion , you require a flaming fountain fueled by the most evil music on the major planet . Chris Marion ’s Guitar Hero - power conflagration spigot attack flames with each button tapped . Here are photos of its mental synthesis . Should you build one , I advise blastingDanzig ’s “ Mother”ad nauseum . ( Bonus fact : Danzig believes in loup-garou . )
2 . ) build up a trombone flamethrower
With Jonathon Crawford ’s fire - blasting trombone , you are a one - person Fourth of July — you will become the lovechild of the parade and the fireworks made flesh . fathom off your patriotism at three in the morning . Only the foolish will kick .
3 . ) A ardor - breathe snowman
Last year , the Berte category of Bel Air , Marylandbuilt a flak - spewing hatchet man . I imagine it surprised folks , but they ’d have amplified the element of surprise by 100 % had they displayed this guy cable on Labor Day weekend . The Bertes also work up this dragon flamethroweras part of what I can only envisage is a never - end PSYOP campaign against their neighbors .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTbvO5QHslg
4 . ) Attach a flamethrower to a wheelchair
Some of us are supernaturally cantankerous , others have agedness to blame . If you descend into the latter camp , check outGreathouse Labs’flamethrower - mounted wheelchair . The lollygaggers and lazeabouts clogging the aisle of Caldors will conceive doubly the next time they lollygag and/or laze about .
5 . ) Burn ominous messages into your lawn using a flamethrower robot
Owning a flamethrowing robot is middlingly evil . combust the message “ THIS MESSAGE WAS drop a line BY A FLAMETHROWING ROBOT ” into your lawn with said flamethrowing golem is just plain nefarious . Hat tip to designerSebastian Neitschfor pull in the world a little more disturbing .
6 . ) make that your theatre is perpetually on fire
Remember , bad youngster bang Hell . Satan is like their interpretation Uncle Sam . What ’s uncool to ragamuffin ? Boring ol’ burning houses . They ’re hot and smell like an empty pocketbook of smokehouse beef jerky . Do what Montreal creative person Isabelle Hayeur did in Vancouver , Canada — create 15 - arcminute telecasting loop of a construction bristle into flaming . Granted , Hayeur was makinga statement on urban decay , and please mention that the truly attached will eschew theatrics altogether and light their gallery on fire every night .
7 . ) flame gauntlets
If you lack the fund or mother wit to ignite your terrace day by day , give these flaming mitt fromJ&M Special Effectsa pass . In decree to truly dissuade all roustabouts and canvasser , mop your lawn constantly and pause every 10 minutes ( like clockwork ) to show off your pyromaniacal plume . Do this for several hours every sidereal day , even if you do n’t have a lawn .
8 . ) Build a robotic scorpion that fire flames from its tail
frankly , I ’m surprised they do n’t sell these things at Skymall . you may buy an giant pewter Moai or a 1:1 soapstone diversion of Swamp Thing , but you ca n’t buy this ? A travesty . Anyway , this initiation comes to you from Greathouse Labs as well . When you display this thing , keep the techno from the above video blasting . I ’d even fill in in someBelgian New Beat .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffugtm7qaUI
9 . ) Robosaurus
Doug Malewicki’sRobosaurusis a legend . If that golem ran for Congress , I ’d vote for him . sure enough , his electoral agenda would just be a charred musical composition of newspaper and his stump spoken communication would be a low Dodge Neon , but his debates would be thrilling . accidentally , Robosaurus was auctioned off in 2008 . The victor bribe the bot for a buy basement price of $ 575,000 .
Q : What ’s scarier than a 40 - groundwork - tall saloon - eating dragon ? Let ’s find out …
10 . ) A gargantuan flamethrowing automatonlike baby
Meet Torayan , the god fetus make by Yanobi Kenji Art Works . According to its Maker , “ this jumbo Torayan doll is the ultimate minor ’s weapon , as it sings , dances , breathes fire , and follows only those purchase order given by tyke . ” On 2d thought process , using this execration to keep away the neighborhood ruffians may recoil terribly .
Top persona : Katsumi Kasahara / Associated Press .
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